I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
