Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
