so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
