Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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