I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
