I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
