She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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