oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
