just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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