We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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