I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
