Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Small penises have feelings too.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
