You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize