I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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