so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
