I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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