He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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