i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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