You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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