i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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