my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
