is your mom at the bar?
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize