girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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