hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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