goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
everyone is single if you try hard enough
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
