Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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