So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
