Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
