party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
