I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
