My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
