I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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