It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We need to get me chipped asap
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
