Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize