dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize