At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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