i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
