We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
