overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you win again, gameday.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
