Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
