i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
