So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
