She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
