dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I think I won the penis lottery.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize