i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
