so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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