im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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