Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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