just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
