Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
