All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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