i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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