you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
