o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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