I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
