Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
