He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
