i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
