What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
