We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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