just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize