just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
