We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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