I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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