i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize