I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
