I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
