at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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