her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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