Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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