dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
