got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
