i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
