All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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