she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
