Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
