I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
