i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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