Four minutes until I can fart!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
