so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize