I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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