The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
