If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
