When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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