I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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