WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
