hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
