A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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