I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
How's work?
Spinning.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
