I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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