Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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