My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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