arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
