Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize