We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
