I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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