How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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