I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
