Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
